the search

rain, wires school court
where basketballs thresh
back and forth
where my life was sought
a social kind of sport

the trees hide lovers
pimply often ruinous
continue the continuless
search that i am hurting for

seeing the diagnosis
and recognizing
lifes not hopeless
regardless i am hoping
for more light then dark
though my soul is burnt

i knew words could hurt
so i spoke no more
just shut up and no words come out
but then you have no friends to count
in the abyss plus wandering is hopeless
i remember crying fed up with the change
my advice now would be to cry some more

search amidst the places
where light fragments
cutting slices of shadows
fight this holy war
where dust gathers

in my marrow
my mind was often sore
but life can give you such a smile
and smash it to ruin it and
after a while some will say
whats worth searching for
prefering beer and there own excrement

but with the years my weeping stopped
but never ceased
the day i first grasped it i forgot
how lonely my first day was and how uptight i got
but i unwound
and prevailed and did not
drop out
i saw the photo of us all
and now i look back on it all
and still haven't got what i wanted
or that i searched so long for

but i now do understand this sport
of interaction
its keeping broken fractions of glass
on earth and rooting them up
to light it up with warmth
and keep your gravity stored
nailing your feet to the floor
so when you screw up you keep searching
and in the search you never find
but you will find it amidst a calamity
and understanding why you search
the thing is called humanity

and now I throw the ball back into the light
but observe the dark
highschool was no walk in a park
like it was for others
but for me
when it stopped i wound up
and now i make the distinction
that keeps us humans from extinction
the ball rebounds and hits me here
i recollect i pick myself back up and
then make one exception
my life and the path it leads is kind of like a weapon
the less you know the more you grow
the more you know you keep from hurting
the more you hurt the more you know
its time to keep on searching