infancy (try to remember)

infancy, try to remember
my survival
down the street
I hear the wail
from the hospital of the man's arrival

look up out of my cradle
a sky of smiles with stars
my throat bile: backing up
I see my parents
I feel a love
cuddled: I felt your entire being
with me
my mind never shifting

I felt the water drifting
my baptism was love
and knowing you
utterly knowable and
there above


a woman can't be dismissive I'm sure
but in my infancy
I felt you there
as a teen, you may have feared pregnancy yet
your love for him was enough for me
I was never popular
but I had a rage
and my thirst was quenched by tears
and the passing by of years

I gave myself a shove
I felt my stars fall
shatter
wreathed from hatred
falling from my passion
I started fires and invoked my anger
ignoring all rationality

and now I feel distant
cold, deserted
sands of somberness in my desert
I broke my mentality
but I found my cradle
and I knew the love
it was primal
a passion spoke of in the bible

I knew without love my entire being was a danger
I can't bear it
so when I have time
I walk there
to my birthplace
to embrace it
I want my love
so I'll shout it
and know that me myself without my love
would be all but broken without it